Q. What scriptures in the Bible talk about the submissive     wife and the duties of wife and husband in the house?

(Submitted by: Porsha)

A. I am assuming that you are a woman and that you have a reason for asking this question although you do not state why. I do not want to answer this question in the normal way because in my opinion I believe we judge women and the whole intent of the marriage covenant relationship with the eyes of carnal human minds rather than with the Love of God shed in our hearts.

My second husband of 15 years and my soul mate and close confidante mentioned to me something I believe is probably the whole key to this question after spending many days with writer's block. He said that Jesus and God the Father are the supreme team. If Jesus is the head of the church and the head of his body who are the called out ones that the Father has given to him, then he is the head of the bride or wife in the spiritual marriage contract between mankind and God. Jesus came to earth to live as a human and die so that by his blood we humans could be saved from our sins and his blood would cover over our transgressions to fulfill the requirements of the law and justify us before the Godhead. By his resurrection we are assured that we too can be given a spiritual body and become the sons and daughters of that Godhead and by the giving of the Holy Spirit we are permitted to have a deep personal relationship with our Father that was not possible before Jesus came.

Did Jesus ever say that he rebelled against the Father's wishes? No! He said that whatever he was doing it was because the Father had sent him to do it. This shows an awful lot of respect and trust in Jesus by the Father to do the right thing doesn't it? Did Jesus ever think it wrong to admit that he was God and that he had an equal footing in the Godhead before and after he became Jesus the Christ? No! Read Philippians 2:5-7 :

"Let this mind be in you which was also in Christ Jesus, who, being in the form of God, did not consider it robbery to be equal with God, but made Himself of no reputation, taking the form of a bondservant, and coming in the likeness of men."

In another place he says that he laid down his own life and that it was not taken from him without his permission.                                                                      

"By this we know love, because He laid down His life for us. And we also ought to lay down our lives for the brethren. " (1John 3:16) Jt.

The word “love” here is found in any Greek Dictionary of The New Testament, pg 7, noticing # 26.

To continue this point one step further, Paul wrote in Eph 5:25

"Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself for her. . ."

So God commanded men to love in the same way that Jesus loved us. This would assure the woman that she could not be abused in any way and would make it very easy to submit to him.

So what does Jesus' behavior have to do with being a good submissive wife to your husband? Jesus is the spiritual wife in this relationship and he submitted his will unto the Father and trusted him to execute the plan that they both discussed before the Creation was formed. Should not wives be doing the same? The only reason

that a wife would not is if she is being mistreated, abused or betrayed. God condemns treachery and that was how Jesus was treated when he was given over to the Sanhedrin and for that matter by us who have been the ones who were guilty of disobedience in the first place.

"If it is possible, as much as depends on you, live peaceably with all men." (Romans 12:18)

And even in a marriage relationship we are not to live

under turmoil but in peace and if this is not happening

we need to leave this kind of relationship.

"But if the unbeliever departs, let him depart; a

brother or a sister is not under bondage in such cases. But God has called us to peace." ( 1Corinithans 7:15)

Submission is a voluntary status of behavior. It can't be forced just because someone judges a woman as rebellious and then the woman is coerced into being controlled by force of strength or economic hardship or by guilt. This is how our gender has been treated for many millennia. The men have betrayed the trust of their sisters and aunts and wives and daughters. They have sold them into bondage to another person without the woman's express permission (in the case of arranged marriages for political or economic reasons) and cooperation. In today's society they have been used for sexual or economic reasons and then divorced for some selfish whim causing the woman to have to fend for herself. A God who loves his daughters and his sons does not want humans to treat each other in this manner. We are told to love our neighbor as ourselves and to treat them as we would want to be treated (Matthew 19:19 and other places). In a marriage relationship your closest neighbor is your spouse. In another place Paul warns us that adultery which is a form of betrayal causes the sinner to be grieved in his own soul.

"Flee sexual immorality. Every sin that a man (and you could put woman here as well) does is outside the body, but he who commits sexual immorality sins against his own body." (1Corinithans 6:18)

The word submit means to voluntarily put yourself in another person's hands. Chaos happens when every one is trying to lead at the same time. So one person has been designated by God (Genesis 3:16) in each family to be the lead and the other to put themselves in the leader's trusting hands. God has given this role of leadership to the male husband of each wife. The wife is not less in intelligence or talent but is weaker as a physical vessel and should be treated accordingly.

"Husbands, likewise, dwell with them with understanding, (Now science understands that women and men think differently and their bodies react differently and this is what is meant by this passage.) giving honor to the wife, as to the weaker vessel, and as being heirs together of the grace of life, that your prayers may not be hindered." (1Peter 3:7)

If a man's prayers are hindered then his Eternal Life is in jeopardy. Her role is to carry and care for the children that will come from this relationship. If a man loves his wife as himself which is what Jesus told them to do then it is not very difficult for the wife to submit and trust him to make final family decisions. In some cases when the woman has more expertise on some issue then he is expected to submit to her so that there is peace in the family.

"Therefore do not be unwise, but understand what the will of the Lord is. And do not be drunk with wine, in which is dissipation; but be filled with the Spirit, speaking to one another in psalms and hymns and spiritual songs, singing and making melody in your heart to the Lord, giving thanks always for all things to God the Father in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ, submitting to one another in the fear of God. Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord. For the husband is head of the wife, as also Christ is head of the church; and He is the Savior of the body.

"Therefore, just as the church is subject to Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in everything. Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself for her, that He might sanctify and cleanse her with the washing of water by the word, that He might present her to Himself a glorious church, not having spot or wrinkle or any such thing, but that she should be holy and without blemish. So husbands ought to love their own wives as their own bodies; he who loves his wife loves himself. For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as the Lord does the church.

"For we are members of His body, of His flesh and of His bones. "For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh." This is a great mystery, but I speak concerning Christ and the church. Nevertheless let each one of you in particular so love his own wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband." (Ephesians 5:17-33)

We are never to lord it over each other for any reason.

" But Jesus called them to Himself and said, 'You know that the rulers of the Gentiles lord it over them, and those who are great exercise authority over them. Yet it shall not be so among you; but whoever desires to become great among you, let him be your servant. . . .'" (Matthew 20:25-26)

This would apply just as well in a marriage relationship or any relationship for that matter.

So submission is not a female only package but should be the attitude of us all. We learn and grow from talking to each other whether a husband and wife or brother and sister or mother and father with their children and are told to keep a humble and contrite heart. We are to develop relationships of trust and confidence and respect with all men so there is an element of submission in every thing we do. Jesus submitted to the Father's will until he died and then The Father put all authority under the feet of Jesus. The wife submits to her own husband and he loves her so much that he in turn gives much authority and trust and confidence in her opinion and sets her in high esteem for the world to see. The time worn adage is still true that says "The one who rocks the cradle rules the world." Women today have almost given up their role as first teacher to their children and have forsaken the role of wife and mother for the world of work. So to understand the meaning of submission from God's perspective we must first of all submit to God and do as he has instructed so that we may all benefit from a lifetime of blessings.

After reading this for proofing purposes my sweet husband suggested I insert something about the one scripture that is quoted all of the time as the ideal for wifely behavior. This scripture is found in Proverbs 31:10-31 :

" Who can find a virtuous woman? for her price [is] far above rubies. The heart of her husband doth safely trust in her, so that he shall have no need of spoil. She will do him good and not evil all the days of her life. She seeketh wool, and flax, and worketh willingly with her hands. She is like the merchants' ships; she bringeth her food from afar. She riseth also while it is yet night, and giveth meat to her household, and a portion to her maidens. She considereth a field, and buyeth it: with the fruit of her hands she planteth a vineyard. She girdeth her loins with strength, and strengtheneth her arms. She perceiveth that her merchandise [is] good: her candle goeth not out by night. She layeth her hands to the spindle, and her hands hold the distaff. She stretcheth out her hand to the poor; yea, she reacheth forth her hands to the needy. She is not afraid of the snow for her household: for all her household [are] clothed with scarlet. She maketh herself coverings of tapestry; her clothing [is] silk and purple.

" Her husband is known in the gates, when he sitteth among the elders of the land. She maketh fine linen, and selleth [it]; and delivereth girdles unto the merchant. Strength and honour [are] her clothing; and she shall rejoice in time to come. She openeth her mouth with wisdom; and in her tongue [is] the law of kindness. She looketh well to the ways of her household, and eateth not the bread of idleness. Her children arise up, and call her blessed; her husband [also], and he praiseth her. Many daughters have done virtuously, but thou excellest them all. Favour [is] deceitful, and beauty [is] vain: [but] a woman [that] feareth the LORD, she shall be praised. Give her of the fruit of her hands; and let her own works praise her in the gates. "

This scripture is used in my opinion incorrectly for human beings. It is a metaphor for the purest of marriage relationships between the Church or Body of the Christ and the Godhead as the Husband stated above. It is an ideal situation that humans without the indwelling of the Holy Spirit can not do. So to make a woman feel guilty by quoting this ideal scripture is unfair in our present state of mortality with human carnal nature embedded within us. We may strive for this kind of relationship but will never achieve it in our human lifetimes. There is an interesting thing about this passage that no one ever looks at and that is the role of the husband in it. Men are expected to toil to support their families but this man is sitting at the gate. What is he doing? He is administering government or holding court deciding issues of contention and obviously he is rich enough to do this. This is the major role of Jesus Christ now as Head of his Body and a Priest after the order of Melchizedek on our behalf and in the future when his kingdom will come to the earth in reality. The wife in this passage is a freely moving woman (Church) who represents the rest of the body of Christ who supports his government and priesthood. Her husband does not demand it of her but she voluntarily works hard to serve her beloved. May God bless your studies of his Word.

Answer Given By: Charlotte Grantham  (Can the Pain and Guilt of Divorce be HEALED? )

HAVE YOU ACCEPTED JESUS?