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Kissing, Hugging,
and... By Wayne Judd
Problem Parents.
I have a
problem with my parents. They put a lot of stress on me by arguing
and fighting with each other and by ignoring and ridiculing me. I'm
sixteen now, and I wonder if it would be wrong to see a psychologist and
tell him about my problem. Would this be against God's will? I wont to talk to someone so badly. I'm a Christian and go
to church regularly.
It would be highly advisable for you and your parents to go
together to see a minister or counselor--if your parents are willing. By
the tone of your letter, I suspect they aren't. Obviously, the entire home
situation needs attention.
Many of us are a bit cautious about consulting psychologists
who aren't Christians. Opening your mind and emotions to anther's scrutiny
and diagnosis is more serious than submitting your physical problems to an
MD.
But if you can find a Christian counselor who believes that
the Bible is the best rule of life, God would be no less honored by your
seeking such help than He would for you to see a physician when your body
temperature soars.
I'd also suggest that you develop friendships with other
Christian youth as a substitute for ideal relations at home. The burden can
be very heavy, but your life can still be filled with warn, important
relationships that will help you to develop a sense of personal worth.
Homosexual Minister?
More than anything else in the world I'd like to be a
minister. I've found out that I'm a homosexual, though, and its driving me crazy. I've never told anyone about my
problem before. My parents don't know about it, and they have a lot of hope
for me. I pray, but it doesn't help. I don't even want to be with my
friends. Sometimes I just want to kill myself. Has God cursed me? Can I be
a minister?
Are you sure you're a homosexual? Many young people who have
just one homosexual experiment decide that they must be homosexuals for
life. But a single experience--or even several encounters--won't make you a
homosexual any more than one foolish might of drinking will make you an
alcoholic.
Do you feel an actual sexual attraction for those of your own
sex, or do you simply not have sexual desires for women? The difference is
important. Absence of attraction for the opposite sex doesn't make you a
homosexual.
But suppose you are a homosexual. Your feelings of guilt will
only increase the problem. It's obvious to me that you didn't choose to be
a homosexual, and I refuse to believe that God has cursed you. My best
advice is for you to see a professional counselor, but make sure the one
with whom you counsel is qualified both by training and understanding.
If, in fact, you are a homosexual you should resolve this
concern before you become a minister. Most churches would reject your
ministry if they knew you to be a homosexual. But if God is calling you to
the ministry, He will help you overcome your problem.
Let me add that I hope people who read this will remember that
homosexuals are people--people who need Christian love and support rather
than prejudicial hatred and rejection.
Lesbian Despair.
I'm a lesbian in my late twenties. I have a friend who, like
me, feels more like a man than a woman. She just couldn't live with it
anymore, so she had a transsexual operation. I, too, am thinking about
having the operation, since life this way is so very, very
confusing and unbearable.
Please try to put yourself in my place for a minute or so, and
tell me honestly what you think you would do in this
situation. If you were a woman who was not at all feminine looking and had
thoughts and feelings like a man, what would you do?
To give you my honest opinion of the operation, I don't feel
that it's right. But I have many mare negative feelings about the way I'm
living at the present tine. To have to keep living a lie
gets unbearable at times. It's a big pretense day after day, year after
year.
I have straight woman friend whom I have a very deep love for.
You're probable thinking that people like me are sinful persons who don't
care about the church of about God. Not true. I love the church, and I love
the Lord. And when I'm with this certain lady I always fantasize about the
two of us getting married, raising a family, and working together for the
Lord. Now tell me--are these feelings wrong or evil? I feel
that no love for another person is wrong, if it's from the heart and
not just a sexual thing.
I'll give the traditional response to your question first. It
goes like this: If you were really converted and if you really
loved God, this whole business would take care of itself. What you need to
do, according to this approach, is to pray for forgiveness and victory.
Then exert the self-discipline necessary to control your thoughts and
associations.
Having said this, I confess that many gays have tried this
"solution" unsuccessfully. I've never met a gay whose preferences
were altered through prayer and discipline. I have received many letters
from gays whom, like you, are at the point of despair. However, I don't
mean to deny the power of God, for He is able to do more than we can
"ask or think" (Ephesians 3:20, KJV).
So deep are the tendencies of sexual preference that a fair
comparison would be to ask a heterosexual to reverse his or her drives.
(Imagine a heterosexual praying for such a reversal!) Of course, the
argument might be advanced that the Bible condemns one life-style and
promotes the other. True, but far from providing comfort, this very fact
increases the anxiety of the gay Christian.
Frankly, I believe the deluge of perverted heterosexuality
in the world today is a far greater threat to morality than the presence of
homosexuality. I also believe that no Christian should ever condemn
or reject another Christian. How easy it is for us to judge others!
May I suggest that instead of locating your identity on the
basis of sex you identify yourself as a whole person? Sex is not the center
of life as pour society has told us it is. It's whether heterosexually or
homosexually--which is why I agree with your instinct against sexual surgery.
I welcome responses from readers on this important
contemporary issue, believing that as Christians we need to discuss our
deepest concerns openly and with great sensitivity and love.
I Wish I Didn't
Masturbate.
I became a Christian a few years ago and have been very happy
in my faith. My problem is masturbation. I feel really guilty about it.
Does the Bible condemn masturbation? How can I stop?
God doesn't erase your sex drives when you become a Christian.
He created those drives to preserve the race and to bring pleasure to
married people.
In the past century it was believed that insane asylums were
filled with people who were there because of masturbation. To be sure, much
fear and anxiety have resulted from the practice. When one believes he will
go crazy if he masturbates, that fear may do more harm than the act itself.
The Bible doesn't directly address itself to masturbation. but it does warn against self-centeredness. Most physicians
and psychologists today don't believe masturbation is physically
harmful. Of course, they could be wrong. The problem with "making
love" with oneself focuses on the self-centeredness of the act.
Masturbation is probably no worse than many other ways of being
self-centered. However, masturbation frequently involves sexual fantasies,
and Jesus did protest that (Matthew 5:28).
The solution in your case could be threefold:
1. Strengthen your relationship with Christ. who says that He will be for you far more than you can
as or think (Ephesians 3:20).
2. Repair your attitudes toward sex, if necessary.
3. Study God's Word. How can a young man keep his way pure? By
guarding it according to God's Word (Psalm 119:9).
If you still find yourself troubled with masturbation, consult
a physician.
Always in Trouble.
It seems that I'm in trouble all the time. I think it's
because I lack self-confidence. The dumb things I do are part of my need
for attention. I used to blame other people for my troubles, but I guess
the problem is I.
Knowing why we behave as we do is only part of the solution.
You could, high-powered personal restraint, insisting that you
simply will not allow yourself to behave irresponsibly. You might even make
this work. Most people can't. The reason: This approach to making changes
is external. It's like slapping another coat of paint on a house to save it
from termites. If you really want to save your house, you have to
exterminate the bugs inside.
What you need is a higher sense of self-worth, and God has
shown you how much you are worth be sending His Son to die for you.
You also need to be different from others. Cheer up! God made
you the only you in the universe--utterly unique. Knowing the God who made
you will help you be more confident.
Am I a Nothing?
My problem is a weak self-image. I've grown up in a Christian
home, and all my life I've been taught that without God we are nothing,
without God we can do nothing. Why, then, did God give us such an
incredible brain if we weren't supposed to be able to do things on our own?
Can't we give ourselves some credit and develop some sense of self-worth?
Christianity never erases our identity; it enhances it. There
are gifts which God has given us that we are free to use or abuse. The
picture of God as a manipulator of poor humans is a cruel distortion.
These words, Without me you can't do a thing! (John 15:5)
describe the origin of our abilities, not a divine control of them. The
fact that God refused to interfere with Satan or with Adam when they
rebelled against Him emphasizes the truth of our individual freedom.
Furthermore, as sinners who have been redeemed at the cost of
Jesus' very life, we have the ultimate basis for a strong self-image and a
superb sense of worth.
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