Parents                          NY Daily News 4/11/82

A severe shortage of authority figures by John Rosemond

      We are in the throes of a national emergency. One that could spell more serious consequences than the water shortage, the energy deficit, inflation, unemployment or the national debt.

     America is suffering a shortage of authority figures.

     The mother of a 14-year-old I talked with touched on the problem. "He has trouble with authority figures. He wants to live by his own rules. But that seems to be more the rule than the exception these days."

     The present generation of teenagers does seem, on the surface at least, a lot more rebellious--and self-destructively so--than ours was 20 years ago. There's more drug use, delinquency, alcoholism, truancy or--it appears to me--just plain arrogance than when I was coming up.

     The other side of the coin is that, by and large, children today aren't getting the guidance, the supervision or the discipline we got.

     If today's children seem hell-bent on "doing their own thing," it's only because today's adults seem equally determined to do theirs.

     Where there are children who have trouble with authority figures, there are adults who have trouble being authority figures.

     And that's the real problem.

     Some adults try to make too much of their authority. They mistakenly believe authority figures should give children orders and children should obey. Other adults make too little of their authority and a child's need for it. They mistakenly feel children should be treated as equals. But children are neither underlings nor little adults and adults who treat them as either are not authority figurers.

     Being a teacher, a parent or a police officer doesn't automatically make someone an authority figure. Authority figures make themselves, and their key attribute is self-discipline. That is the essential ingredient. Most authority figures also have a sense of humor that extends to themselves.

     They are tolerant or a child's childishness and his mistakes. But authority figures are always mindful of the need to create and enforce reasonable limits.

     When it comes time to enforce, authority figures rarely, if ever, threaten. They simply enforce, firmly and gently.

     Authority figures are effective 8 communicators. They take the time to listen to children and speak straightforwardly so as to be understood.

     They are reliable. They treat children with respect and dignity. They expect great tings of children, but not right away. They are loving, caring and approving, but they are not afraid to disapprove when the situation demands it.

     Authority figures are willing to compromise with children, and are honest when they won't. An authority figure understands that only by sharing his power with children is his power affirmed.

     In short, an authority figure embodies everything good that adults have to offer children.

John Rosemond is a psychologist, columnist and author of the book, “Parent Power! A Common-Sense Approach to Raising Your Children is the Eighties" East Woods Press, N.Y. N. Y. 10016